Funny Quotes

These funny quotes will help you gain perspective on life while teaching you to not take things too seriously...

Enjoy these funny quotes with your loved ones, have good belly laughter and feel inspired.

Funny Quotes on Work

90% Of The Game Is Half Mental

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90% of the game is half mental.”
~Yogi Berra

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Determination: The feeling you get right before you try to do something incredibly stupid.”

― Anonymous

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.

 But in practice, there is.”

― Yogi Berra

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.”

― Mark Twain

You have to give 100 percent in the first half of the game. If that isn't enough, in the second half, you have to give what's left.”

― Yogi Berra

We made too many wrong mistakes.”

― Yogi Berra

Whom ever said that the sky is the limit has a very limited imagination”

― Anonymous

On This Team We Are All United
- Lou Holtz

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"On this team, we're all united in a common goal:
to keep my job."
~Lou Holtz

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Funny Quotes On Love

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”~Charles M. Schulz

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

― Oscar Wilde

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”

― Dorothy Parker

There Is A Great Woman Behind Every Idiot

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As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.”
~John Lennon

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Man may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it.”
~Candace Bushnell

Inspirational Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes on Friendship

“A good friend will always stab you in the front.”~Oscar Wilde

The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.”~Mark Twain

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.”

― Yogi Berra

I have great faith in fools - my friends call it self-confidence.”

― Edgar Allan Poe

Funny Quotes on Religion

Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.”~G.K. Chesterton

You cannot laugh and be unkind at the same time” ~Khalil Gibran

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
~Oscar Wilde

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

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No good deed goes unpunished.” ~Oscar Wilde

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Funny Teacher Quotes

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Funny Quotes On Life

The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.”
~Albert Einstein

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” ~George Carlin

We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” ~C.S. Lewis

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.” ~Groucho Marx

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.” ~Oscar Wilde

My ambition is handicapped by laziness”~Charles Bukowski

The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.”~Oscar Wilde

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.”~Golda Meir

I have Nothing To Declare

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"I have nothing to declare except my genius."
~Oscar Wilde

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People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.”~Bill Watterson

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.”~Mark Twain

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.”~Mark Twain

Usually I'm remarkably good natured. Try me on a day that doesn't end in y.”~Cassandra Clare

Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?”~Douglas Adams

And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.”~Holy Bible

Deja Vu All Over Again”~Yogi Berra

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.” ~Yogi Berra

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.” ~Yogi Berra

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.”~Mae West

The difference between fiction and reality?  Fiction has to make sense.”~Tom Clancy

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